Sunday, March 14, 2010
What if you have cheated on Your Partner? Can you get Him /her back?
In most cases people will tell you that an affair with someone else means the end of the relationship and break ups but this is not always the case. Partners in a relationship can have affairs for different reasons. The affair or lustful sexual encounter can have been in a moment of drunken madness, because of strong attraction to someone at work, or because of pressures at work. Does not matter though, you have betrayed your partners trust and the damage is done. It could have been something lacking in the relationship which caused your partner to cheat. This is something that should be thought about as well. If both partners love each other you can still save the relationship but it is going to be very hard work for the cheating partner. It can take months, and even years building trust in relationships and in one fell swoop an affair can destroy it!
Building trust in relationships requires an adjustment in attitude and actions for both partners in the relationship and after an affair it is going to be hard work rebuilding trust again. Even after one of the partners have had an affair, it is still possible to save a relationship, and if you truly love each other rather try to than throw many happy years together down the drain.
Building trust in relationships through open communication.
Communication is the most important building block to any relationship, not love, not sex like you may think. Sure these are all important building blocks of any relationship but communication tops the list. Can you openly communicate with the person you love if something is troubling you? Are you suspicious and digging behind your partners back into their personal effects because you think they may be having an affair. If you can openly discuss what is troubling you, then you have great trust and communication with your partner. Building trust in relationships comes from having honest open communication at all times. Talk to your partner about anything and everything and they in turn must also never be afraid to approach you. That is real trust in relationships.
Sort out your differences and problems and build trust
If there are characteristics or things that bother you about your partner you should be able to discuss them. By leaving them bottled up inside, they begin to fester and one day in a moment of anger things may be said and your relationship could even end up in tatters. Building trust in relationships means fixing the underlying problems through openly communicating with each other about them. Sometimes that means going in to couples counseling if you cannot find solutions yourselves. The real secret to building trust in relationships lies not in talking about the right things, but in taking action in doing the right things, and sorting out problems and overcoming obstacles.
Friday, March 5, 2010
By BRIAN J. MISTLER
Two heads are better than one. Most of us understand that this maxim speaks to the importance of community. Together you and I can do more than either of us could do apart. Relationships help us achieve greater life satisfaction; build bigger, better things; and make more money. In the language of business, focusing on relationships adds value to the bottom line.
And most of the time we do value our relationships. But often we—I mean, especially we men—act as though we don’t value relationships. In fact, I frequently see men damaging and even destroying relationships they say they value and have certainly worked hard to create. Why? Usually because anger, pride and a belief that pushing back is the way to get what we want causes us to lose focus. The irony is that when we do this, we are often acting in a way that gives us less control and less of what we want.
It’s not a surprise. As men, we grow up idealizing the battle-hardened, zero-tolerance gun slingers who embody the archetype of the detached man doing what it takes to get what he wants. In the Wild West the quickest gun wins, and callin’ me a name is reason enough to shoot ya’. A few thousand movies and maybe a couple playground battles later, and we get it: If someone hits you, hit him back. Of course this often degrades into a broad teach-them-a-lesson mentality, and one that doesn’t apply just to hitting. It applies whenever our pride is threatened or our ego bruised.
Perhaps a tit-for-tat approach is the best way to handle substantive negotiations. If we’re dividing up the marbles, justice may be approximated when I give you another marble only when you give me one. If instead we’re talking about community building and our long-term individual and group interests, we do a heck of a lot better if we also focus on our relationships. And there’s no risk’ Things like compassion, appreciation, and forgiveness are not limited resources.
So as a man, how can I begin to focus more on relationships? To start, listen—listen unconditionally. If I seek first to understand you, I benefit whether or not you reciprocate by understanding me.
Next, be consistently respectful. If the other guy or gal is being unreasonable and antagonistic, I can still do my part by behaving in an honorable, constructive way. In this way, I hold on to the power I have to prevent our conflict from escalating out of control when there is miscommunication and overreactions. In their book Getting Together: Building Relationships as We Negotiate, Roger Fisher and Scott Brown of the Harvard Negotiation Project reach this same conclusion: Putting relationships at the center of our negotiation strategy is critical.
It turns out the Wild West was not tamed just by lone gunslingers—far from it. America was built building by building, town by town, through countless acts of cooperation. The same is true for today’s communities. Same is true for today’s workplaces, universities and families.
To build a relationship long-term, we can’t make our relationship conditional on the outcome of each quibble. Sure, I’ll lose sometimes. Would I rather get what I want? Absolutely. And if the relationship consistently causes me more pain than it’s worth, you better believe I’ll find another relationship.
Until then, if I can keep my head in the game and focused on the relationship—even when my girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse, partner, work colleagues, or family members do not behave the way I would like—I’ll ultimately have better relationships and get much more of what I want. While two heads are better than one, one is better than none.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
It's all about dopamine,this One Great True Love, this passionate thing we'd burn down the house and blow up the car and drive from long distances just to taste on the tip of the tongue.
You crave it because your brain tells you to. Because if a wet kiss on the supernatural notch -- while, say, your lover has you pinned against a wall in the corner of a dance club -- doesn't fire up the ventral tegmentum in your mind, well, he's not going to send you roses tomorrow.
God's little neurotransmitter. Better known by its street name, romantic love.
Also, norepinephrine. Street name, infatuation.
These chemicals are natural stimulants. You fall in love, a growing amount of research shows, and these chemicals and their cousins start pole-dancing around the neurons of your brain, hopping around the limbic system, setting off craving, obsessive thoughts, focused attention, the desire to commit possibly immoral acts with your beloved while at a stoplight in the M.G Road during lunch hour, and so on.
Passion! Sex! Narcotics!
Why do we suspect this isn't going to end well?
Because these things are hard-wired not to last, all of them. Short shelf lives. The passion you fulfill is the passion you kill. The most wonderful, soaring feeling known to all mankind . . . amounts to no more than a narcotic high, a temporal state of mania.
"Being in love, having a crush on someone is wonderful . . . but our bodies can't be in that state all the time," says Pamela C. Regan, a
professor of psychology at California State University, Los Angeles, and author of "Mind Games".
Some of these love chemicals in the brain, scientists measure by the picogram, which is a trillionth of a gram.
How fragile, this thing called love.
HONEY! BABY! SWEETIE! CALL ME!
Did we mention Abelard was castrated as a result of their affair? And Heloise went off to a convent for the rest of her life? That they named their child "Astrolabe"? What people! What passion! What the hell were they thinking?
Actually they weren't, and neither are you, not really, when you fall
passionately in love.
In her most recent research, Fisher and colleagues gave 32 love-struck subjects an MRI scan while they viewed a picture of their beloved.
Boy, did their brains light up!
There are two shrimp-size things on either side of your brain called the caudate nuclei. This is the gear that operates bodily movements and the body's reward system: "the mind's network for general arousal, sensations of pleasure, and the motivation to acquire rewards," Fisher writes. And when the test subjects looked at their sweeties, these things started singing "Loosen Up My Buttons" with the Pussycat Dolls!
This, then, kicked the party over to the tiny ventral tegmental area, a little peapod-size thingy that sends dopamine bopping around your head.
This is what scientists call lots of fun.
Relationships are complex and the most enriching experiences of our lives,we create them,sometimes they're created naturally like frndship and we continue them sometimes knowingly and unknowingly too.I had been reading the relationships column over many yrs and I find people facing many problems in their relationships,how do u think The Society is related to it?Yes ofcourse the society provides us certain ideas which make us behave and expect in certain ways,are we supposed to always follow others and what they do?? Or we should just learn from them and make our lives simple by following our own rules?A relationship is not necessarily about lovers or friends,or by birth,relatives etc.What I do believe - a relationship can also be with someone whom You dont know at all,a complete stranger still after mingling with that person you find things common in between yourselves and you make friends,or with a person who passes you a lighter while u're too busy finding yours to smoke in the road,sometimes you get complete strangers helping you more than your friends or loved ones do!! Is'nt a relationship just magical,great n peculiar? Yes Im talking about those relationships which do not have a name, a certain identification.Please review this column and write your comments and ideas.